Virginity is a social construct that makes most people feel judged no matter how they perceive it. Those who lose their virginity at a young age get slut-shamed, and those who lose it at an older age get mocked. Aside from the contradiction, there is a general absurdity of the global concept of virginity being viewed as a loss. We should ditch it.

I’ll start with the usual first, and most emphasized, opinion promoted to young girls: wait to have sex. There is, for some reason, a seemingly universal agreement that losing your virginity at a young age makes a woman a whore. People will make up endless excuses as to why someone should wait to lose their virginity, but the most popular reason returns to what I previously stated — losing it at a young age is viewed as slutty, especially for women, from men’s perspectives. Males are often rewarded for having sex. Bashing women for something men are praised for feels like a power grab or an attempt to hold men above women.

After researching, I noticed that popular websites that typically reach younger audiences more commonly emphasize waiting to lose your virginity. An example of this can be shown through Seventeen magazine’s article on virginity. The title “20 Things No One Tells You About Losing Your Virginity But You Need to Know” seems unbiased, right? After reading further, the article uses techniques that make attempts to suppress the importance of virginity, stressing that one should wait to lose it. A section of the article, titled “No one actually cares if you’re still a virgin,” includes the following lines: “You are not the last untouched human on earth,” and, “That is an excellent reason to wait for the positive experience you deserve.” There is so much that is wrong here. Firstly, young people may feel belittled by the term “untouched.” Also, the latter quote makes virginity sound like waiting to lose it will lead to a reward. Articles like this with younger readers can be damaging to their moldable mindsets and place too much influence on a choice that should be made by the individual.

The concept of saving yourself bleeds into the emphasis for women to wait to have sex. In the words of activist Erin McKelle, “virginity is sexist.” In Everyday Feminism magazine, McKelle emphasizes the toxicity of unequal pressures on women compared to men when it comes to sex. There is a mountain of male privilege that frees men from most of the stereotypes women face of either being called a slut or a prude depending on when they lose their virginity. A blog post on ghanafeminism.com explains that the concept of “‘saving yourself for marriage’ places women’s right to bodily ownership into men’s hands.” This highlights another issue with the traditional concept of virginity — it excludes nonheterosexual sex. Although some members of the LGBTQ+ community may face the same pressures I mentioned earlier, a significant portion of virginity and sex education is not LGBTQ-inclusive. McKelle also touches upon this issue, explaining that heteronormative views of virginity don’t “have any sort of framework for relationships and people that fall outside” the gender binary or heterosexuality. In sex education, there is little to no coverage on intercourse within queer relationships. There are loads of other issues that stem from the concept of virginity in general, which is why it should be deconstructed.

There is a huge contradiction to the main argument of saving yourself, which is the pressure to lose your virginity at a young age — a perspective many traditionalists fail to consider. Young girls especially are told to save themselves to avoid being viewed as slutty or dishonorable, yet these same girls feel so much pressure to lose their virginity to fit in with those in their age group. The colliding pressures involved in this contradiction get confusing and especially frightening for women that are still at a vulnerable age.

A great issue surrounding the problematic concept of losing your virginity is the term “losing.” What are you losing? Some argue that you lose your innocence after having sex. This is both degrading and shaming. This shame is another reason why virginity and sex have been taboo topics for such a long period. People, mainly women, are scared to address their sex life because no matter the interpretation of their experience, there will be more judgment than listening. The shared struggle of sexual acceptance is almost universally experienced. Many women feel the need to keep their sex life a secret to avoid polluting their reputation. Circling back to the description of virginity being a loss, virginity being “taken” is another term I specifically dislike, because there is an implication of theft here. A connection with someone should not be something that is stolen or lost, and the reason virginity is so problematic is because it implies both.

The pressures surrounding virginity not only bring back the shame I mentioned earlier, but can be extra hurtful to those that may have been assaulted, as the discourse can inadvertently blame victims. The concept of losing your virginity is devaluing, hurtful and contradictory, which is why it should be commonly abolished. Virginity has a different meaning to each individual, which is exactly why there should be no outside influence on people’s perceptions of their self-worth when it comes to sex. It’s personal! It’s important to keep in mind that no matter the decisions made, there will always be judgment — this isn’t something I can single-handedly fix. However, I can remind myself and others that virginity does not define your value, opposing interpretations of virginity are equally valid and virginity will never change your unique worth.

Alexis Fischer is a sophomore majoring in English.