Note: The below article is from Pipe Dream’s 2014 sex issue.

You took history courses throughout high school, but little did you know, your teachers left out the good stuff. If you think our culture is hyper-sexual, wait until you discover the sex deviants of the past. Even if you got a five on your AP World History exam, you probably never learned about these historical sex scandals.

Rituals of Dionysus — You might know Dionysus as the ancient Greek god of wine. This is true, but there was more to worshipping Dionysus than passing around a jug. In addition to sacrificing goats, during Greek festivals for Dionysus, phallus bearers would lead a procession with … well, a giant penis. It was really a pole constructed to represent divinity, the life cycle and, of course, sex. Phallic hymns would be sung to celebrate life and sexuality. These parades may even rival Binghamton’s own festival of alcohol and sex — also known as Parade Day.

Taoist sex — In ancient China, yin and yang were at the core of Taoist sexual belief. Yin represented women’s femininity and energy, while yang embodied masculinity. It was also believed that female yin strengthened male yang. This translated to a focus on foreplay — specifically oral sex performed on women, since it helped achieve female orgasm and bolstered male yang. Not only that, but if a man orgasmed before a women during intercourse, it was bad news: Ladies first, or risk a decrease in male essence. Are Taoist sexual practices really that strange after all?

The Turin Erotic Papyrus — This work of Egyptian art depicts overtly sexual imagery. Each illustrated couple includes an attractive woman who embodies Egyptian ideals of beauty and her less attractive male counterpart. It could be a satirical comment on ancient Hugh Hefner types who, despite their old age, go for young, attractive women. The scenes show a variety of sexual positions and can be interpreted as a kind of artful, old-school pornography. One couple is even shown having sex on a chariot — those crazy kids.

The Puritans — In school, we learned that the Puritans, a group of Protestants in colonial America, hated dancing, witchcraft and basically anything fun. Their attitudes toward sex, though, are more open than you’d expect. Spying was encouraged — before texting and Twitter, word-of-mouth was the only way for a scandal to get out. If one neighbor caught another romping on the rope mattress with someone who wasn’t his or her spouse, it was socially acceptable to make the adultery public knowledge. Deviants faced fines, whipping and public humiliation for sexual crimes.

The Oneida Community — We’re not talking about the residence hall in College-in-the-Woods. The Oneida, a religious group founded in 1848 by John Humphrey Noyes, had some strange sexual practices. Named after the town in New York in which they were founded, the Oneida valued communalism in all senses of the word, including sex and marriage. Everyone was married to everyone in this “free love” sect, and anyone could have sex with another consenting party. Oneida men also practiced male continence — intercourse without ejaculation — as a form of birth control. These guys had a lot of self-restraint.