So you decided to live off campus. It just seemed like the logical thing to do in the midst of having to conceal your chemically related activities on a chem-free floor, dining hall-hopping to switch up the Sodexo variety — only to realize all the food sucks anyway — and living in constant fear that your roommate just heard you fart. “Live Downtown,” they said. “It will be great,” they said. But what they didn’t tell you were the essentials to surviving as a commuter. That’s where we come in.
Step 1: Commuter Fashion
Whether or not you think you’re going to spend 12 hours at a time on campus, you will. Nothing is worse than seeing the dude or chick you’re trying to get with dressed all spiffy while it looks like a bucket of fleece threw up on your life. Accept it: You’ve worn your North Face jacket so much that it feels like Muppet fur, and your Uggs are as clean as they are socially relevant. Which is zero. Make sure that as a commuter you’re killin’ it on the ones and twos, fashion-wise at least. The key is wearing clothes that fit (because jeans that pinch your nerves are so 2004) and being prepared for a variety of weather situations. Days in Binghamton typically start out cold, then get warmer, then windy, followed by some form of precipitation, a storm of locusts and then it gets cold again. Remember: Sneaking back to the Newing Hilton DoubleTree for a quick wardrobe change isn’t an option anymore. You want to wear layers, things that are fit for covering your head and shoes that definitely aren’t suede. Carrying an umbrella around isn’t a bad idea either. It can be a store-bought one or makeshift; using Pipe Dreams or doing that thing where you hold your jacket above your head will work just fine.
Step 2: Commuter Food
You could pack a lunch, but honestly who has time for that? Besides, carrying around Tupperware takes up space in your backpack and smells like old vegetables. When you get sick of the Einstein Bros. Bagels and Jazzman’s routine, make sure you have a friend who is willing to drive you to Chipotle. If you usually take the bus, having a friend with a car means you’ll have a ride to something that isn’t a bagel, and if you usually drive, you won’t have to give up your parking spot on campus. As a commuter, you’re also going to drop a lot of money on groceries. Get a shopper’s card for the grocery stores you like. The $5 you save on every grocery shopping trip is basically 1.7 more shots you can get at the Rat.
Step 3: Commuter Schedule
Setting aside a sufficient amount of time to get to class when you have to drive or take the bus is an acquired skill. The time it takes to navigate the bus system is about the same amount it takes to drive to campus and find a parking spot in Lot M, so it doesn’t really matter which one you choose. If you take the bus, make sure you know at least two good routes that stop by your house, assuming that the first one will probably be full and the second one — well, it will probably also be full. On the contrary, make sure you do your research as to when and where you can park on campus. Missing the bus or getting a parking ticket both suck, and both will probably cause at least one emotional breakdown this semester. Additionally, if you’re planning to stay on campus for an extended period of time, it’s not a bad idea to bring your laptop. That weird two-hour gap between classes can equate to four episodes of “House of Cards,” if you play your cards right. Don’t forget your laptop charger, or more importantly your phone charger, and by all thing holy, never forget your keys. You finally have a chance to use the Binghamton University lanyard your parents bought you at orientation. Embrace it.
Step 4: Commuter Social Life
When you’re not busy being a student, you’ll be busy being drunk. The best part about living Downtown is that you don’t have to pay for cabs to get to State Street. Every time you go out, think of it as $4 more per trip that you can put toward bills (because that’s a thing now), food or getting more drunk. The walks do get rougher as it gets colder, and you’re going to need to pre-game really hard to compensate for that. Try to stick with your housemates or neighbor friends at the bars because they’re usually the ones you’ll be walking home with. If you go to a random house to hook up with someone, prepare yourself for a very underdressed and very public walk home the next morning. Throwing a banger at your house instead of going to State Street? Make sure everyone and their mothers know about it, and make sure your younger dorm friends know how to get to your house. Side note: Make sure they also know how to leave. Provide riot punch so that everyone will black out and think they had an awesome time even if they didn’t and will want to go to all of your subsequent parties. Follow these steps, and you’ll be on your way to being the coolest commuter on the block between Riverside Drive and one of those streets that end in “nut.”