Congratulations, new transfer students! You came right on time. The spring semester is the best time to be a student at Binghamton University. The days get longer, the weather gets warmer and most importantly, Parade Day is on the horizon. It may seem like March 7 is still a distant dream, but veterans know that it is never too early to start preparing your liver for the fateful crawl. If you don’t want to be the friend who boots but doesn’t rally, make sure to start your Parade Day prep ASAP. Follow Release’s five-week plan and you might just find a pot of alcohol at the end of your Parade Day rainbow.
Week One — Parade Day is still a month away, and it’s important to make sure your liver is still somewhat functioning in the coming weeks. This step in the process is called the “casual day drink.” You may be training for the marathon, but that doesn’t mean you can’t run a few 5K’s along the way. Start your morning off with some less potent Irish coffee by replacing that whiskey with some Bailey’s and make sure to keep nursing your 30 rack all day.
Week Two — Culturally, an integral part of our favorite celebration is whiskey. Unlike the $10 vodka that ended up in your toilet during syllabus week, even cheap whiskey has an air of class to it. This is your week to get fancy (and bombed) while experimenting with classic drinks like a Whiskey Sour, an Old Fashioned or even a Manhattan if you’re a little bit bitter. Remember that whiskey always tastes better with your pinky up and also after you’ve finished half of the bottle. Cheers!
Week Three — Things are starting to get festive, so this week is all about the green. After you’re first in line at Wal-Mart to pick up all of your essential Parade Day gear, get creative with some green drinks. Grab every green liquor you can find and mix them together to make the ultimate blackout punch. Or, if you’re feeling really crazy, you may even want to break out the absinthe. By week three, your tolerance should be on its way to becoming “I lift” strong, but there’s no shame in falling down in the middle of State Street. It’ll be good practice anyway.
Week Four — This is the final stretch, and let’s be real, you want to make sure you look cool at the finish line. That means it’s time to bring out the Parade Day big guns and make sure you know all of the cool tricks. It’s essential to know how to make a proper Irish Car Bomb and even more important to practice making one (over and over) so you’re sure you won’t look dumb doing it. Want a quintessential Parade Day profile picture? Make sure you know how to shotgun a beer like a pro while maintaining a killer pose. This may be a major hangover week, but the 100 likes on your profile picture will be worth it.
Week Five — You made it! Parade Day has finally arrived. While some may be brave enough to venture out on the night before the happiest day of the year, it might be useful to use this week as a cleanse. You’ve worked hard building up your tolerance, so now it’s time to let your liver have a quick power nap so it’s refreshed and ready for action. Remember, it’s a marathon, but be sure you can win the beer chugging race.