Thanksgiving: a day of family, love and togetherness. There’s no feeling like eating a delicious Thanksgiving dinner with loved ones and expressing gratitude. It’s a beautiful U.S. tradition. Yet only a few hours later, everything changes as Black Friday approaches. It’s every man for himself as herds rush to malls and department stores looking for deals and steals. In these trying times, there are certain precautions that must be taken to survive.
The most basic need for shopping survival is, of course, energy. Caffeinated beverages are ideal for staying awake all night and tapping into that primal adrenaline rush. Drinks like coffee, tea and energy drinks are perfect to get the boost you need to snatch an Xbox One from a 12-year-old’s hands. Sorry little Timmy, only the fittest can survive.
For added nourishment, bring some Thanksgiving leftovers. Make a turkey-and-stuffing sandwich or snack on some pumpkin pie to satisfy your sweet tooth. Be careful not to have too much turkey however, and risk falling asleep while waiting in long lines.
To enhance success, utilize the right clothing. Wear your Halloween costume to freak people out so they stay away. If Timmy had been wearing a Freddy Krueger costume, he surely would’ve gotten that Xbox One. But no, he was wearing his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajamas, which left him vulnerable. November nights can get cold, so make sure to wear insulating clothing. Some options for warm costumes are a yeti, a bear or even Santa Claus to get into the holiday spirit.
On Black Friday, do everyone a favor and leave your siblings at home. This battleground is generally unfit for kids under the age of 12, as they are only a liability and will make it more difficult to go into savage mode during the night. No parent wants their child to witness that Jekyll-and-Hyde transformation. Plus, these kids need their sleep — don’t drag them out at 1 a.m. to wait in a line at Wal-Mart.
The most important rule for surviving Black Friday is to forget every value held dear on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving and Black Friday are like yin and yang. Thanksgiving is about love and unity, but Black Friday is a free-for-all game of materialism. Show no compassion. Love thy neighbor? More like love thy Xbox One. Thanksgiving is for the weak and gluttonous. Black Friday is for the strong and fit. So this Black Friday, remember these tips to survive the cold, black night — or fall victim to it.