Being sick can be tough, and being sick without your mom catering to your every whim can be even tougher. But don’t fret! Here is a four-point plan to help you get and stay healthy, and even have a bit of fun along the way.

1. Whine. A lot. Because let’s be real, what fun is being sick if you’re not telling everyone who comes within five feet of you about it? People might get a little confused and think you’re annoying, but don’t worry about it, because you’re doing them a favor. Whining about the illness you’ll never recover from lets people know that you’re someone to stay away from, even if you continuously whine about the fact that no one wants to be near you. Try to throw in an “I want my mommy” every once in a while, and people might actually have a small shred of sympathy for you.

2. Cough and sneeze on everyone. Your mother may have told you to cover your mouth, but it’s best not to listen to her. When you’re sick, it’s almost guaranteed that you’re going to be miserable, and since misery loves company, you might as well get your whole floor (and maybe even your whole building) sick too. Plus, if you’re all sick at once, you won’t have to worry about relapsing, and you may even be able to get away with not getting blamed for getting everyone sick. Also, you guys can split the cost for all that NyQuil you’ll need.

3. Make everyone as miserable as you. The best way to do this? Make them do absolutely everything for you, of course! Send your healthiest friend on a dining hall run and give them specific instructions. When they come back with exactly what you asked for, tell them that you can’t eat what they brought you because, duh, you’re too sick. This should add to their misery and give you, and all of your other sick friends, a good laugh.

4. Laugh. All the laughing from #3 may distract you, and just like that, you’ll be restored to your full health! Since you’ve succeeding in getting most people around you sick, make sure not to forget to act disgusted with their germs anytime they’re in close proximity. It is imperative that you make them aware that you’ve recovered by scoffing at their loud nose-blowing and locking yourself in your room to make sure that you avoid getting sick again. Maybe even throw in a passive-aggressive “Oh, you’re still sick?” Even if they think you’re being a jerk, they’ll understand once they’re not disgusting anymore.

Lastly, when you’re feeling your worst, never forget that you’ll get better eventually. And remember, if you get sick, you’re not in it alone, mostly because you will make sure of it.