If you haven’t been on the internet in the past 48 hours, here’s another friendly message reminding you that you are not at Coachella. Yeah, it sucks, we know. But no matter how many times you rewatch the Coachella Snapchat story, nothing will compare to the weekend of dirt, grime and music that you could be experiencing at the Coachella music and arts festival in Indio, California. And unless you have ticket, have next weekend off or are Beyonce, you won’t see the second round of performances either. You just have to make the most of the Northeast. Have your own Binghamtella, right here on campus.
1) Festival wear — If you don’t have anything with fringes, odd cuts or vaguely racist Native American themes, don’t worry. The current trend is festival wear for everyday wear. Even our own bookstore had a “Festival Wear” section earlier this year. Why? We don’t know, but we’re happy about it. Either way, your local Forever 21, Pac Sun, Charlotte Russe or Macy’s will carry just the right amount of sun-patterned tank tops to help you feel like you’re in a desert tent. Stop by Walmart to pick up some facepaint. You’ll have a great time appropriating someone else’s culture in an inappropriate way.
2) Silent Disco — One of the best-known parts of Coachella is its least loud component: the silent disco. This activity, in which participants listen to music on provided headphones and jam out, while the ambiance remains quiet, is one that you can easily recreate right here on campus. First, find the quietest place possible that’s also really populated. The fourth floor silent reading room in the Glenn G. Bartle Library will be perfect, or that cool soundless room in the Innovative Technologies Complex. Next, you’ll need some noise canceling headphones to blast your dank beats. Find the Coachella 2015 playlist on Spotify and put it on the loudest possible volume. Strategically place yourself in the middle of the stacks and start silently rocking out. Pretty soon, fellow library attendees will either join you, take videos of your for their snap stories or report you to UPD.
3) Bring molly everywhere — Just kidding! This is illegal, probably dangerous and really inconvenient with finals approaching. But there are plenty of substitutions. Find your nearest friend named Molly and just bring her along with you everywhere you go. She’ll probably be down for the ride, and if you don’t have any friends named Molly, now is probably the time to start branching out. Look on the Binghamton class of 2017 Facebook page for some fellow Binghamtella-goers.
4) Atmosphere — It still looks like winter here in Binghamton; all the dead or hibernating vegetation gives the place a nice desert vibe. Walk out onto the Peace Quad where the grass is all dead and you’ll feel just like you’re in the Californian dry lands. If you drop some acid (kidding again, don’t do drugs) you might even be able to have a hallucination and imagine that the rocks around you are other festival-goers. Maybe Baxter will appear out of thin air? Maybe Harvey Stenger will be in the Baxter suit? Maybe you’ll get arrested? All of these things are possible at Coachella, and Binghamton.
5) Take a Camelback full of alcohol everywhere — Why should day drinking be limited to Bar Crawl and Parade Day? Remember, it’s 5 p.m. somewhere, and it’s definitely 5 p.m. in Coachella Valley, California. Fill up a Camelback with wine, cranberry vodka or maybe a martini if you’re feeling classy (keep a bag of olives with you at all times). Be sure to share the love and offer alcohol to those around you, even your professors. A little generosity goes a long way, after all.