It goes without saying that stealing is wrong, so why is it that I find myself reminding people of this seemingly forgotten virtue all the time?

It especially peeves me when thieves boast about ripping off the cafeteria, as though they’ve done something to deserve being given yet another free cookie. In the past, when I’ve confronted individuals about their indiscretions, a popular answer is, “Well, if they take money from me, I might as well steal stuff from them too, right?” Wrong.

As the readership may or may not be aware, Sodexho, the University’s on-campus dining services provider, does indeed charge an additional fee of $60 or so per year, expecting students will steal things. Compounded with their already unreasonable prices, this extra expense has people standing up on tables screaming, “FOR THE COMMON WEALTH!”

While this injustice does not condone the hamburglars, it does, however, give them a very convenient excuse to hide behind.

These self-righteous bickerers I speak of are generally either too lazy to wait in line, have run out of money on their meal plan or are simply suffering from kleptomania and stealing for no reason other than the pure entertainment value. When these vigilantes take matters into their own hands, it doesn’t do them or their peers any good.

One needn’t resort to petty thievery in order to get their point across. Legitimately concerned students can engage the matter in far more appropriate ways than stealing food and without bringing legal repercussions upon themselves. These options include: contacting a resident advisor in their hall, organizing a boycott of the cafeteria or even calling the Sodexho hotline to voice their complaints.

This infantile tug-of-war ensuing between the student body and Sodexho is a fight over mere dollars, only leading to further inflation for actual paying customers. An unfortunate lesson I’ve learned from “Rocko’s Modern Life” is, “You can’t fight city hall.” So just a reminder to anyone who may be considering treating themselves to a five finger discount: You’re not Che Guevara and you didn’t liberate anyone by stealing that apple, so quit being a cheap-ass and pay!

Brandon Stephens is a freshman English major. We at Pipe Dream would like to say that if you steal for entertainment value, get help now, and if you do indeed follow Brandon’s advice and boycott Sodexho, for the love of Lois, don’t make it a hunger strike!