Everybody knows that the Giants won the Super Bowl last weekend. And any true die-hard fan knows about the phenomenon that follows after a team wins a championship. Out of nowhere, legions of fair-weather fans crawl out of their shitty, clueless holes to start ranting and updating their Facebooks about the winning team.

This happens every time. And it irritates me.

I’m no football fan, but I have some semblance of an awareness of major gridiron events, probably because I can read and have an understanding about the world around me that goes beyond Binghamton University.

Some people are so naïve and unfailingly self-absorbed that sports are nothing to them, except a way to gain a higher social status. They choose to not keep up with sports 350 days of the year, and spend the other 15 regurgitating other people’s Facebook statuses during important games so that they can come off as hip or in the know.

The Yankees go to the playoffs and boom, there’s a whole slew of new fans pontificating about the outcome of the World Series or remarking on how tight Jeter’s ass looks in his pinstripes.

The Giants go from losing almost every game during the second half of the season to actually having a shot at a championship, and everybody that went to your high school is wearing cutoff Giants T-shirts and drinking out of blue and red Solo cups.

I’m sure some people will argue that it’s just non-sports fans joining in on a little sports fun. But for the die-hards? We loathe you people, waltzing into a room and spewing whatever half-assed statistic you read on Twitter that day in an attempt to sound more like a fan. Yuck. Despicable.

Take the nauseatingly blonde college student who was interviewed at the Giants victory parade. The reporter asked her a pretty basic question: “Who are you here to see?” And with a voice ringing with the familiar notes of dumb blonde idiocy, she yelled, “Sanchez!”

I bet she was so proud of herself that moment. Because like all of the other clueless fair-weather fans, she was there to stand front row at the Giants victory parade so that she could be seen there. Not because she liked the Giants, or knew which player was on which team, but because it was cool to be there.

The interview conducted with her and her dumb-as-shit friend only proves my theory further. She — now known as “Sanchez Girl” to anyone with a computer — argued that she said the wrong quarterback’s name because she is a “fan of all players and teams,” or something else along those mind-shatteringly stupid lines.

Fair-weather fans infuriate me. Either make the commitment and choose a team to somewhat follow, (I’m not asking for the kind of commitment us “every-gamers” make), or you are banned from ever posting about sports teams on your Facebook and Twitter.

And that goes for you too, newfound New York Rangers fans. Did you think us die-hards wouldn’t start calling you out once we noticed a miraculous increase in the amount of Rangers-related chatter? If you can’t name four starting players on the Rangers, I’d rather sit next to Miley Cyrus while she’s bugging out on saliva than read your insipid status updates.

Maybe I can convince Dick’s Sporting Goods to put some sort of demarcation on all team memorabilia purchased AFTER that team has won a championship. That way, the next time you see someone wearing a Giants jersey, you can instantly find out of they are either a fair-weather fan or a die-hard, and avoid that awkward moment that comes when you ask them who they are here to see and they say “Sanchez.”