We need to talk ‘

Dear Class,

I know we’ve been together for awhile now, and don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret our relationship at all. I do think, however, that we need to clarify our expectations of one another.

There are a few things that I think we really need to discuss. First, I am all about spending quality time together, but I really think you’re taking this a little far. Spending all night in the library together was cute the first time or so, but now I think it’s a bit unreasonable, and people keep giving us strange looks.

I also think you’ve been a bit on the manipulative side. Of course I want to make sure you aren’t neglected in favor of my friends, but I haven’t seen anyone but you in weeks, and people are beginning to talk. They almost filed a missing persons report a few days ago. This just can’t go on. I know you think you’re more important than everything else, but at some level you’re just going to have to allow me to live my own life. If that doesn’t fit your master plan, I’m afraid I may be driven to drink excessively during the week, as well as on the weekends, just to feel some semblance of autonomy.

Your parents creep me out. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but really, they do. Every time I see you, they tell me how much time I’m going to spend with you each night. They even wrote up a sheet of paper outlining what we’ll do together over the course of a 15-week period. That’s just not normal. What about spontaneity? Can’t we just hang out now and then? Do we need to plan so much so specifically?!

Given the aforementioned points, I really think we need to take a break. I’m sorry to have to write this to you instead of telling you in person, but I’m just not prepared to spend any more time with you after spending so much time this past week preparing to tell you this. We’re approaching critical mass in this relationship, and I really think we need to stop and think this over. Your parents informed me that we’re going to be together in two weeks for at least a few grueling hours of interaction, so I really feel that in order to save my strength up for this meeting, I’m simply not going to be able to see you until that day. I also think that I may resolve to be heavily intoxicated during our final meeting, so please excuse me if I honestly don’t know how to answer your questions, or if I say mean things about your parents. It’s just the alcohol making me tell the truth; I’ll be back to my usual well-mannered self in a few months, even if we’re not together anymore.

I’d like us to stay friends at the very least ‘ I mean, we are likely to run into each other, and I don’t really want any long-lasting hostility to take away from future happiness. Oh and by the way, maybe with the next person you see, you could try and be more of a cheap date. I’m just a college student, I can’t afford tastes like yours.

Anyway, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. We’ve had some really good times, but I think it’s time to end this, while it might still be kind of amicable.

Love, Molly

P.S. Do you think you could put in one last good word with your parents? Emotionally, it would really mean a lot to me to know that your parents still support me even if we’ve decided to break it off. Thanks.

‘ Molly Ariotti is a junior geography and political science major.