Ask almost any guy what his ultimate sex fantasy is, and he will respond with “threesome”. I polled it today. Four guys said threesome, and one wanted to do it in a church confessional.

Now, call me crazy, but I don’t understand the appeal. If a guy is with one girl and the sex is great, what’s the need for inviting another? I would think it would just make things awkward and uncomfortable. Guys and girls are different. I don’t think you could find many girls that would be turned on by two guys at once in her bedroom.

Most of my life lately is spent in a house off campus, which is inhabited by at least 20 guys, and I’ve gotta say, I’m learning a lot about how males view sex. Long Shlong is the only guy in the house who’s ever had a threesome, and every time he mentions it, he’s hailed as king.

In high school, Long Shlong would cut class at a certain time every day to smoke with two girls in the woods by the school. Then, they would go to his house for a while to hang out. As the year was coming to an end and he was graduating, the girls came up to him and told him that they wanted to thank him for his months of generosity. They placed him on his bed and you can use your dirty imagination to fill in the rest.

The point is, Long Shlong looks at that incident as the pinnacle of his existence his life’s glorious climax (no pun intended).

When the topic of the threesome came up in the house, my boyfriend raised his eyebrows and asked me if I was interested.

To be honest, I really didn’t know how to react. I’ll admit, I was intrigued, but when that wore away, I was insulted. Wasn’t I good enough? Sex between us is special and private (never mind that I talk about it in a column all the time). Why would he want to bring some slutty girl into the mix? Maybe guys can more easily hook up with people they’re not interested in than girls.

Who knows, maybe threesomes are something that guys desire for some innate reason, and girls aren’t meant to understand them.

Micol Zweig is a sophomore English major.