It is a scientific fact that a girl will get an anxiety attack and explode if placed in a peaceful/stress-free environment. (It’s true, I tested it.) Girls need anywhere from a touch to a ton of drama in their lives to survive. Most guys I know aren’t wired this way, which makes for problems in relationships.

While guys in functional relationships can kick back and say, “Dude this is awesome, I’m getting a lot of ass,” slap hands and drink beer, girls are constantly chattering to their friends about things that might go wrong. They express suspicions they have or annoying habits they’re not going to be able to stand much longer. The “sit-back-and-relax” crap is a practice too scary and simple for a girl to accept.

The thing with girls is, it’s more terrifying for them to waste a couple of months in a bad relationship than to be single. When they’re finally in a relationship, even if it’s a close to perfect one, they’ll put their man through tests and make him jump through hoops to ensure he’s the right guy.

It may be biological. Maybe wired somewhere in our brains is the subconscious feeling that one day we’ll be carrying this guy’s baby. Unlike a guy who simply wants to plant his seed, a girl must be certain that they’re making the best decision possible for procreational purposes.

I don’t know. Whatever the reason, girls are crazy and will never be completely content, even in the happiest, most functional relationships.

I asked my best friend Leah about this issue. She has been with her boyfriend for a couple of happy months and I was curious to know whether she had this innate anxiety common to her sex. She told me in fact that she does, all the time. It’s like she’s always sitting on the edge of her seat, waiting for him to mess up so she can dump him and finally relax. So far they’ve never had any major problems or disagreements and any outsider would tell you they’re completely compatible.

She told me she’s always waiting and almost secretly wishing that she’ll find him cheating so she can see what happens. There’s a curious and playful aspect to this angst. She says it is this uncertainty and edge-of-the-seat feeling that makes her relationship more exciting. She’s always trying to see how far she can push the boundary and test the waters. It’s a risky and thrilling game, testing him in a sick way, wanting him to do something wrong or mean.

I’ve decided that it all comes down to this: girls, when they fall into a relationship, are always subconsciously thinking in the long term. They are not completely comfortable in their day-to-day connection, and secretly wish their boyfriends would do something wrong that would warrant a break-up and free the girls from caring for them forever.

Girls might need drama and might try to stir up fights, but in the end, it’s because they understand the deep emotional consequences of becoming attached to something too “perfect.”

Micol Zweig is a sophomore English major.