Last week, one of my professors put his notes on Microsoft Power Point for the first time. He told the class that although he had never done such a thing before, he felt compelled to because a student had chastised him for being too disorganized earlier in the week.

I was shocked.

“What kind of student does that?” I asked myself.

The professor went on to explain that it had been his experience that students complain about everything. “Half the class will complain about things being one way,” he said, “so I change it to their liking, and then the other half complains!”

I imagined myself walking a mile in the shoes of the complainer, and realized they were penny loafers.

As I looked beyond his well-polished shoes (which were almost exact replicas of the ones my parents made me wear to a wedding when I was six), I realized that this home-schooled child came to our fine public institution begrudgingly, only after Brandeis rejected his knee-bruising pleas.

I was suddenly inspired. “That’s it,” I decided. “I’m not letting those bitches make me look bad any more!”

We need to take back our classes from the complainers. For God’s sake, when you give complainers power, they produce things like marriage amendments and the Boston Red Sox.

The overwhelming majority of students understand that all professors teach and behave differently. We don’t have many preconceived notions or expectations. And most importantly, we just don’t bitch about every little thing.

Unfortunately, we don’t get to experience what should be an amiable relationship with our professors, because that tiny contingent of sniveling malcontents has managed to consistently ruin it for us.

But, I think I’ve developed a plan to rid SUNY Binghamton of the complainers forever. It’s a two-front battle that must be fought both by professors and students.

All right professors — when students verbally assault you for … well … whatever it is they complain about, let’s say not assigning enough homework, first tell them you’ve got the class under control. Then, during the next class session, start the lecture off by pointing out the offending student, and detailing his complaint.

We’ll handle it from there.

Now, students, this is the most important part. When the gripers are pointed out, we have to do what we do best: and that is to ridicule them. We will ostracize the demons!

The complainers grew up in environments that did not foster appropriate social skills and do not know how to handle chaffing from their peers. They will flee our school and go back where they came from. A place where they can graduate with degrees that will say “Bachelor of Arts in Helping Mom – 1st in Class!”

Without complainers, professors and students can finally mend their broken bonds and work together in a habitat that fosters mutual respect, and even adoration.