I’m the kind of person who loves to listen to music. I listen while I’m working on homework. I listen when I’m reading books (yes, I actually read books). I listened on the way to and from high school. I’m also the kind of person who follows news stories. Over the last few months, I’ve been following political stories more, mainly because they’re featured on the news more. I tend to turn to “Countdown,” “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” for my daily news. I turn to these sources because they’re reliable, even if “Countdown” tends to bash “Fox Noise,” as Keith Olbermann calls “Fox News,” and even if “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” tend to satirize political news stories. I prefer to hear news stories from reliable sources that have other reliable sources to back them up, not supposed reliable sources that are backed up by mud, shit and lies. Anyway, considering the amount of airtime the candidates and their families are getting, I’ve decided to create a little playlist with songs that best fit either them or the way they’re being portrayed on the news.
For John McCain:
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“I’m Alive” by ELO: His heart just keeps ticking. Or maybe not.
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Money” by Pink Floyd: How many mansions does he have? How much are they worth? And how much are those Italian loafers?
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Pretty Woman” by Roy Orbison/Van Halen: His first wife was a beauty queen. His second wife was attractive and rich. His VP pick was in beauty pageants. It doesn’t take too long to connect the dots.
For Sarah Palin:
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Mrs. Robinson” by Simon and Garfunkel: People are calling her a VPILF. What more can I say?
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Hey Bulldog” by The Beatles: “What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick.”
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“All the Young Dudes” by Mott the Hoople, “I’m Sticking With You” by The Velvet Underground, “Anyone Else But You” by The Moldy Peaches: A little something for Bristol Palin. Juno was funnier than her situation.
For Barack Obama:
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Imagine” by John Lennon: The KKK would’ve rioted back then if they found out that a black man was running for president in the future.
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Revolution” by The Beatles: Sure, we want change. Peaceful change, though.
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“I’d Love to Change the World” by Ten Years After: Barack’s mentality.
For Joe Biden:
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“The Song that Never Ends” from “Lamb Chop’s Play-Along”: He’s been known to talk. A lot.
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Mack the Knife” by Bobby Darin: To quote Biden, “Sarah Barracuda, meet Joey the Shark.”
For the Edwards Family:
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“I Feel Pretty” from “West Side Story”: $400 haircut, anyone?
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair” from “South Pacific”: Probably what Elizabeth Edwards was thinking when the news came out.
For George W. Bush:
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“A Cockeyed Optimist” from “South Pacific”: Everything always appears to be working for him. Mission Accomplished! But we’re still over there …
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“When the Levee Breaks” by Led Zeppelin: Remember a little clusterfuck named Katrina?
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Oh Well” by Fleetwood Mac: The lyrics mention “I talk real funny.” I hope that I don’t need to explain myself further.
For Dick Cheney:
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Gimme Some Money” by Spinal Tap: Halliburton. Oil. Money.
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Money” by The Beatles: Halliburton. Oil. Money.
√É.√¢√É¢’√¨√É.√¢“Pigs on the Wing” by Pink Floyd: Halliburton. Oil. And money.