Now if that wasn’t a long and satisfying vacation, I don’t know what is. I almost didn’t want it to end, but then I realized everyone was dying to get back here. Don’t think I haven’t noticed either: I see people with “can’t wait to get back to Bing,” or “Bing Saturday!!!!!” in their profiles and away messages. (That’s right, I’m not above looking, and neither are you.)

You’d think with such a high desire to return that I wouldn’t even bother leaving in the first place. But truth-be-told, I actually went on a bit of an adventure, to none other than New York City.

The day was Dec. 31, also known as New Year’s Eve in some circles, and a few friends and I decided to celebrate this day down in New York as opposed to Uncle Tony’s.

The idea was simple enough. We’d drive from Binghamton and stay for two nights at a friend’s apartment in Brooklyn. Little did we know it would become so much more.

After we arrived at the apartment we headed into what I’m told was called “Manhattan,” some sort of Native American establishment. Needless to say I was confused when we were walking around an area they kept calling a “village.” I thought to myself, “if this is what a village is to them, I’d hate to see a town.”

I put aside my confusion and celebrated the New Year in style, with plenty of free champagne. After getting sufficiently New Year-ed, we headed back to Brooklyn.

We awoke the next morning only to be stricken with fright as we saw that my friend’s automobile (a spaceship-like vehicle, produced by the Pontiac Corporation) had been assaulted during that night between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m. The assault took out the windshield.

From near as we could tell, the perpetrator was Mr. City-folk, with the desk chair, in the ghetto. But we couldn’t be sure.

My friend, lets call him “Bill,” took the whole situation rather well, but you could tell he was visibly shaken. He and that windshield had been through a lot.

After the shock wore off we went to figuring out how to fix the vehicle and get her ready for our journey home.

The problem that arose was that in one of the largest cities in the world we were unable to find a 24-7-365 auto-glass repair shop. We thought we had found one, and on that Monday we drove out to Flatbush (which I would have just called grass, zing!) only to arrive too late.

We contemplated driving back to Binghamton with a cracked windshield, but that would have been against our better judgment, so we stayed yet another night.

By now it was Tuesday. We had to get ourselves in order, so we enlisted the assistance of a guide who we’ll call “Chadwick.” Chadwick, who had been our companion for some time, at that point lead us out into Flushing, where we finally found a place to get the car fixed.

Unfortunately the car had to be left there overnight. So we walked several blocks in pouring Queens rain for McBreakfast and then headed back to Brooklyn.

As my stay in Brooklyn continued, I was beginning to feel the accelerated aging affect from leaving my valley for so long, but luck came when we went to the Museum of Natural History.

While there I found the Upstate New York exhibit where I calmed and recharged myself amidst dioramas of white-tailed deer and forests. I would have stayed there forever, but Bill forced me over to the Darwin exhibit.

We emerged from the museum to the night time streets of Manhattan. As I headed to the subway a pedestrian very bluntly tried to procure marijuana off of me. “Got any pot?” he said. “No,” I said. Nods were exchanged and we went our separate ways.

Shortly thereafter we attended the local picture house for a motion picture…one that cost $10!

As the night wore down we headed back to Brooklyn for our final night.

The next morning, all was well with the new windshield and we headed back to Binghamton loaded with new stories, and no clean clothes.

Dan Lyons is a junior English major.