Binghamton’s hapless economic condition is the subject of endless political posturing and academic musing. In this column I will seek to address a few areas that, given my nominal formal training in economics and marginal general credibility, I believe should be central to any Southern Tier economic stimulus package. Investment will only come with a shift in the general mentality toward Binghamton. I submit these changes:

Businesses and productive people by and large are strapped for time and are generally averse to places that sap them of it needlessly. This leads me to the first and quite possibly most infuriating feature of life in Binghamton: the traffic lights which are maddeningly unsynchronized. Anyone who has driven down Court/Main Street will know precisely what I’m speaking about. At times, I think traffic lights were replaced by over-sized Christmas lights, green following red following green in a repetitious pattern. Furthermore, there is never someone coming from the other direction. You just sit there for 45 seconds in preparation to sit at another light whereat nobody will be coming from the other direction. This scheme may have been functional when Binghamton was a city of 100,000, not 30,000, and it is certainly annoying enough to drive away business.

Speaking of productivity, I find it ludicrous that there isn’t a 7-11 in Binghamton. 7-11s are scions of productivity ‘ you can find any essential implement for any lifestyle at any hour of the day. Everyone can use a Slurpee at 3 a.m. after a night of drinking, and every business can use a store that provides fresh coffee, ‘taquitos’ and mysterious pastries unique to the bakeries of 7-11 that are undeniably delicious at all hours.

Do something with these horribly unimpressive dollar stores. Nothing makes a town look destitute and feel abject like a dollar store on every single corner. Or force them to change their names to something more euphemistic, like Inexpensive Enterprises, or something to that effect.

When people come to visit, it would be generally unhelpful to discuss the loath-ability of the BU student population. We aren’t all from Long Island; unfortunately, the most conspicuous elements of our population are also the stupidest. This should follow to reason: people that generally attract attention happen to be the variety of people that seek attention, typically for superficial gain. My hair is not spiky. The local population has a duty to emphasize our new biomedical technology facility instead of popped collars, Uggs and shiny new Jetta 1.8Ts.

Build a freaking railroad from NYC or something. Every other upstate city has a railroad, albeit an absurdly slow one, to the city. There is track already laid ‘ Route 17 was built immediately next to a railroad route. How much could it cost to put a train on it once a day? Locomotives are the crux of contemporary inter-city transportation; it would add the feeling of modernization, as well as actual infrastructural improvement and economic vitality.

Building dorms Downtown, perhaps on the property near Boscov’s on the river that could doubtless be bought for less money than BU spent on flat screen monitors last semester, could mark the beginning of a Downtown renaissance. The money multiplier effect would be good for a couple of hundred jobs and would hopefully help invigorate the economy somewhere other than the Vestal Parkway. In order for a city to attract business it has to have an actual city, something Binghamton critically lacks. The school could rightfully charge the equivalent of eight cab rides to the Rat more per month for these dorms.

To conclude, these suggestions are aimed to remedy not only direct issues that make for an unfavorable business environment in Binghamton, but also the general feeling of economic and social melancholy that impairs any sense of hope ‘ the most inexorably essential ingredient for economic progress.

‘ Joe C. Galente Eisenberg is a senior economics major, and we think that Mayor Ryan should read this column and consider giving Joe a job.