They took the first shot. Now, I’ll take the second.

Don’t misread me here Stony Brook: your athletic program is a joke.

I’d bet they can’t even spell Binghamton. Stony Brook simply is not on our level.

Let’s start right at the top, with men’s basketball.

On your senior night, your athletics department offered one lucky fan one year’s free tuition. This really excited the fan base ‘ until they realized it was tuition to STONY BROOK. At least you put up a good show for the paying crowd, only losing to Albany by 20.

But, hey, there’s always the postseason. Obviously, there was a ton of excitement surrounding the 8-9 ‘play-in’ game between Hartford and your very own Stony Brook Seawolves.

To my surprise, No. 9 SBU dominated the first half, taking a 19-point lead into halftime.

But lest we forget, we were watching perhaps the worst basketball team in the country. Your club went without a field goal for the final 15 MINUTES, allowing Hartford ‘ which wasn’t exactly playing spectacular ball itself ‘ to go on a 22-3 run to steal the game.

Your Web site boasts an advertisement for Steve Pikiell’s Basketball Camp. Oh boy, you mean MY kid could one day be the next Solomon Bamiro!? (I’d sooner sign up my son for the Al Walker fashion camp ‘)

Here’s your 2006-07 season’s defining moment: your star player, pre-season all-conference player Mitchell Beauford, steps on the sideline ‘ right in front of your genius coach ‘ under almost no pressure, with 27.5 seconds remaining in a tie game. Yikes.

At least you’re good at women’s basketball ‘ oh wait, no.

Stony Brook came in as a highly-regarded No. 2 seed to the America East tournament ‘ and promptly went one-and-done to seventh-seeded UMBC in the first round.

(Remember: you can’t spell ‘bust’ without SBU!)

Senior guard Mykeema Ford, one of the most highly-regarded players in the AE, completed her ‘stellar’ four-year career without ever making it past the AE semifinals. Perhaps she should’ve applied to Rutgers instead ‘

‘ because she is from nearby Trenton, N.J.

The Seawolves claim to be a power in men’s tennis, but the fact is that Binghamton ‘ whom ‘you gotta beat’ ‘ beat you three straight years in the conference championship, from 2004 to 2006. We’ve also crushed you five straight times in women’s tennis.

In fact, the only group capable of beating Binghamton in tennis was, ironically, Binghamton’s own athletics department. BU’s Faisal Mohamed, one of the team’s top players, was controversially suspended for the conference tournament last April after an inappropriate outburst at a pre-tournament banquet. You’re welcome, Stony Brook.

While you’re thanking Dr. Joel Thirer for that gaffe, you can also forward a royalty check to our very own Mike Gordon, who garnered national attention to the buttocks of Stony Brook’s Eddie Castellanos by inbounding the ball off Eddie’s rear end, making Sportscenter’s Top 10 plays for Jan. 31.

Lest I forget, we shut you out in men’s soccer (Ole, Ole Ole Ole), smoked you in swimming and diving (men’s and women’s), and wiped the gym floor with you in last year’s volleyball championship game (hey, Morgan Sweany: Jacki Kane owns you). SBU doesn’t even field a golf team, but I don’t blame you ‘ I wouldn’t want to face Jeff Wolniewicz, either.

Our athletics Web site’s mission statement explains the importance of honesty and dignity in competition. But this isn’t competition, this is an article, and that statement doesn’t apply. You are all pansies, Stony Brook.

BOX: This article is written in response to a video posted on Stony Brook’s athletics Web site over the weekend, in which several SBU student-athletes are quoted saying ‘You gotta beat Binghamton.’