When I first began visiting colleges as a young high-schooler, one thing was perfectly clear to me: Binghamton is in the middle of nowhere.
How did I come to this conclusion? First, during the drive up here, I saw a cow. I’m not sure if I had ever seen a cow before that. They look exactly like I’d pictured them in my dreams.
Why else is Binghamton in Bumble? Much to my displeasure, I do not get AM 660, Sports Radio 66 The Fan, WFAN New York: the official radio station of the New York Mets.
There isn’t a beach here. Why? Because we are practically in the Midwest United States. We are at least, like…a thousand miles from the nearest ocean. That is so far.
Right now you may be thinking, “Lee…don’t be silly. What are you really getting at here?”
Well, it was not until several weeks ago that I actually realized how far away from civilization we actually are.
One day, while cruising the dreary streets of Binghamton, I came to a stunning epiphany: There aren’t any 7-Elevens here! Not a one. I crave their large variety of treats and trinkets!
I looked it up. The 7-Eleven Web site’s “Store Locator” does not even recognize any 7-Eleven store as being “near” the area code 13902. Nor does the Yellow Pages. That can only lead me to believe that the nearest Dreammmmm Donut must be tucked away in my home town back on Long Island (the real world).
This is tragic. I love those Slurpees. They are delish. For those of you who don’t know, you can get a very satisfying 12-ounce Slurpee for the low price of just $0.99.
This fiasco causes me to come to the conclusion that there must be a large group of students here at Binghamton who hail from somewhere north or west of New York City who do not even know what a 7-Eleven is! For these people, allow me to clarify.
The 7-Eleven convenience store chain began in 1927 with its first location in Dallas. They were originally known as “Tote’m” stores, until 1946 (a familiar year) when the name was changed to 7-Eleven to reflect their new hours: 7 a.m. to 11 p.m.
Since then, the popular chain gained a reputation for selling delectable foods at affordable prices. They now boast approximately 5,300 stores spread across the 50 United States.
On average, that’s 106 stores per state.
Ergo, there should be a store at least within my eyesight at any point of my life. That is not the case here at Binghamton.
Hence, as a treat to both myself and all of those poor souls who attend Binghamton and have never experienced the thrill, the excitement, the luxury of stepping into that glorious shop, I am willing to organize a road trip. The concept is this: I will pack as many people as I can fit into my red Little Tikes Coupe and together we will travel the nation in search of a 7-Eleven.
Join me, and together we can all live the American dream, enjoying an egg and cheese breakfast sandwich, a Big Gulp, a roll with butter and a nice, good brain freeze.
Lee Lefkowitz, Pipe Dream’s op/ed editor, is a sophomore English and math major.