Lock: Buffalo (-3) over MIAMI: I think it might be time for the Bay Harbor Butch, who as we know only kills bad guys, to take out the Miami Dolphins as a service to the people of the Magic City.

BALTIMORE (-4) over Cincinnati: The Ravens have a pretty lousy offense, but I’m pretty sure the Bengals would lose to my high school team.

TENNESSEE (-4) over Jacksonville: Most Titans players said this week that they would welcome back Pacman Jones. Many residents of that Tennessee town that recently ran out of water would probably also welcome him back, considering his propensity to ‘make it rain on dem hoes.’

GREEN BAY (-6) over Minnesota: I don’t like picking against Adrian Peterson, but Lambeau in November is no place for a rookie to control a game. Plus he’s probably still tired from last week.