I study people. I can’t really help it. Upon observing, I’ve noticed a trend in most of my classes. In the rooms of Lecture Hall, there lie distinct personalities. These personalities are clich√É©s, but nonetheless, they exist and will continue to exist. Though there are millions of personalities, I will only share five, as to not write a novel.

Personality one, nicknamed ‘Lynn’ because it’s fitting, is that girl that usually sits in the first row, in the middle, and keeps raising her hand. Lynn always has the answer. Lynn will raise her hand countless times, not only to make one point, but sometimes to counter her own point, and then add a keen observation that none of us plebeians could ever surmise. She tends to like the word ‘juxtaposition’ and has 50 different colored pens and highlighters.

Up next we have the polar opposite of Lynn: we have ‘Jack,’ personality two. Jack thinks he’s hilarious ‘ and he would be, if we were in junior high. Jack is enthusiastic and he likes to show his pent-up excitement by yawping violently from the back of the room. Many of Jack’s phrases include quotations from recent movies: ‘It’s a nice.’ Also, he usually likes to disagree with the professor or another student, just ’cause he’s Jack. After he gets his 15 minutes of fame, he leaves with an air of importance.

While Jack is jackin’ off, personality three, ‘Bertha,’ realizes that class has started 20 minutes ago, and it might be a good idea to attend. Now you would think that if you’re late, you would try to stealthily stride into class. But no, Bertha doesn’t do the quiet, meek, ‘let me have the first seat I see,’ thing. Bertha (typically carrying a big purse/bag) really likes that middle seat in the middle row, and she is determined to have it by any means necessary. So as your papers and pens drop, Bertha passes along like a rampant tsunami on a sunny afternoon. Next, when all good and settled, Bertha taps you and says ‘HEY, WHAT ARE WE DOING????’ in a not-so-discreet ‘whisper.’ If you choose to ignore it, you will see her peering over your notes without shame. In fact, Bertha has no shame, and she will keep on keepin’ on all semester long.

When you finally think you can concentrate and actually listen to what the professor is saying, alas, jokes are being told! However you don’t understand them. Sucks for you! This is because personality four, also known as ‘We refuse to speak English (WRSE)’ is in the row above you. You know that they have to be jokes, because the thing you can understand is the loud guffaws, grotesquely suspended in mid-air, like those typically found in comic caption bubbles. Suddenly, you realize that you are surrounded. Now you probably have no problem with culture, but with each ‘HA HA HA’ you grow more weary and disturbed and feel like sitting in the first five rows of a large lecture hall is a big mistake, since it’s evident that those are obviously reserved for the WRSE group, and you’re not invited.

Amidst all of this, you finally lose all hope. This occurs when you look to your left, and notice personality five, ‘Brett,’ slobbering all over his sleeve, in a coma-like state of sleep. While we are subjected to all this crap, with his mouth open wide, drool creeping out of the side and pen dangling dangerously from very relaxed finger tips, Brett drifts in peaceful slumber.

Damn you Brett, Damn you.

‘ Nicole Zimmerman is a sophomore psychology major. If you have been a victim of any of the five personalities, do share ‘ we’ll laugh ‘ we’ll cry.