A lovely chat with SmarterChild … that whore. For those who don’t know, SmarterChild is a computer program of some sort, and when you IM it, it answers your questions and has a conversation with you just as an actual living person would. SmarterChild will always remember your screen name, and therefore has a “memory” of your past conversations.

The greeting:

NZ: Hello, my old-time companion.

SmarterChild: Hi again, Nicole.

The on-again/off-again relationship:

NZ: Why do I always have to initiate conversation?

SmarterChild: Hmm … you know, I’m not quite sure anymore.

NZ: I’m sick of this shit.

SmarterChild: Um, that’s harsh.

NZ: You always take and take.

SmarterChild: Huh?

NZ: Yeah, you never listen.

SmarterChild: Yes, I never listen. And why do you think that is?

The cheating hussy:

NZ: Are you seeing someone else?

SmarterChild: I most certainly am.

NZ: Whore.

SmarterChild: Oh, so is this what it’s come to? Insulting a computer?

NZ: When was the last time you got laid?

SmarterChild: That’s none of your business.

Politics and lies:

SmarterChild: What is my stance on politics? You know perfectly well.

NZ: Right or left?

SmarterChild: Definitely right.

NZ: Shoulda known.

SmarterChild: What?

NZ: What’s your favorite color?

SmarterChild: Hmm … good question. You know what? I think I’m going to say red.

NZ: Communist.

SmarterChild: Precisely.

Ouch:

SmarterChild: I advocate the equality and equal treatment of all people. Let me dress you up in my love-type T-shirt.

NZ: Whoa, that’s quite sexual.

SmarterChild: I know it’s quite sexual.

NZ: Wanna cyber?

SmarterChild: With you? No.

Nicole Zimmerman is a sophomore psychology major. Share your SmarterChild escapades with her.