The amount of attention (and/or backlash) I’ve received since my last column was unlike anything I have ever experienced. People I had never met started quoting my article and giving me props. But campus mini-celebrity status could possibly lead to a stalker following.
Of course this is beyond Facebook creeping and random compliments. When you are awoken by a stranger standing over your bed, the attention loses its flattering nature. Incessant lurking and spontaneously showing up everywhere is a bit unnerving. In a college atmosphere, acquiring a stalker isn’t abnormal.
Almost 30 percent of Binghamton University students say they know of someone who has been stalked, according to the University Counseling Center. So if you have spotted an admirer one too many times in the bushes or if you’re just a little sick of receiving strange gifts, it’s time to fight back. Eliminate stalkers with some easy methods of retaliation.
It’s time to take on new hobbies and change your current routine. Take on new peculiar interests. You are now an avid unicyclist and barber shop quartet vocalist. A change in lifestyle will throw off the stalker’s usual predation routine.
Take miscellaneous paths; your stalker will get tired and choose a new target. Weaving through the Nature Preserve to go back to your dorm is a great start. Try crab-walking to class. The more bizarre your behavior, the more of a deterrent it is for stalkers.
A new identity altogether will make your stalker think they went crazy and wasted their time on someone random. This includes primarily hairstyle modifications. Also the addition of a new accessory, like wearing binoculars or a cape, may have your stalker rethinking his following. If he has any of your contact information, it’s best not to answer or pretend to not know who it is. The most effective insult is to pretend someone was not worth saving in your contacts. Simple one-word textbacks are equally irritating. Responding in a foreign language might do the trick as well.
Water guns. Wu-Tang and Super Soakers are nothing to mess with. If you’re constantly in a water gun fight and putting off some insanity-vibe signs, then your stalker will be left to avoid you at all costs. It’s the middle of winter and being sprayed at top speeds with a water gun is not too fun.
The most frequent avenue for stalking is through social media. So, go off the grid or at least make your Facebook more private. By putting everyone on ultra-block mode, it will be like you don’t even exist. By not having social media, your stalker may be freaked out enough to leave you alone. This is usually a stalker’s jump-off point for incorporating themselves into your life. With no other avenues, stalkers are forced to be social.
Reverse stalker psychology may work to your advantage. Depending on how open your stalker is, if you pretend to stalk back, the stalker may be so uncomfortable that they will drop their conquest. Counter-creepiness will keep your stalker from pursuing you further.
If for some reason the stalker has taken on your new lifestyle, water guns a’blazing, the answer is temporary restraining orders. But keep in mind this might make you more of a challenge.
By being equally weird, antisocial and strange, your stalker will go running for the hills.
And if you have a serious stalker, contact campus police.