Our generation always seems to get shit. We never got the whole disco thing, we never got “sex, drugs and rock n’ roll” (though we did get AIDS). In fact, all we got was higher taxes and the world becoming more infiltrated by pollution (both environmentally and socially … zing).

Everything is a big tease for us. Remember Trident’s “Strawberry Breeze” gum? Well, where did it go? The lemon Jolly Rancher? R.I.P. What about Steve from “Blue’s Clues”? All of our Nickelodeon shows have gone down the drain. The “Rugrats” grew up! Our favorite wallaby — gone! MTV’s “Daria” — peaced out. Not to mention that lovely show “Clone High” suddenly vanished.

We were strong … we figured, hey, we’re getting older, it’s time to let go. We thought wrong. Yesterday, I heard some sick, twisted news. A man who could be a friend, a grandfather, a sex icon … has decided to retire. That man is Bob Barker.

Why Mr. Barker, why? How could this be?! As my heart sank, I felt like everything had truly gone to shit. Bob Barker’s decision to retire is symbolic of all that has failed our pathetic generation.

This man cannot leave us; he owes us too much. We expect him to be there as we watch him brighten up our mornings. He is the light that gives us hope. I don’t know how many times I’ve been in a bad mood, only to flip to Mr. Barker and have his smile contagiously creep up on my face. When you turn on that CBS at 11 a.m., you can’t be anything but under his spell. His hair: perfectly white and crisp. His tan: golden like a thousand rays of the sun. His perverted innuendos: well, they were “priceless.”

Bob Barker is 83, and it is a reasonable age to retire … for a human. Bob Barker is, of course, not human; he is immortal, a pod-person. No one else would be able to teach us to help control the pet population by having our pets spayed or neutered … not like Bob.

It saddens our hearts, and although “The Price is Right” will never be the same without Bobby Boy, we must find courage to pull through and move on.

Nicole Zimmerman is a sophomore psychology major. She thinks she just might need a support group.