Porcelain passout

SATURDAY, SEPT. 15, 5:11 a.m. — Police received a call indicating that a male was passed out in a bathroom of Newing College’s Delaware Hall. Reports say that when police arrived they found the 18-year-old, a Cornell University student visiting a friend during one of the first weekends of the fall semester, passed out. “He appeared to be sleeping while he was hugging the toilet,” said Investigator Matt Rossie of Binghamton’s New York State University Police. He was unresponsive and could not provide his identification to officers, who did it for him. They found a forged Massachusetts driver’s license in addition to his own identification. He was taken to Binghamton General Hospital.

Salamanders: beware

SATURDAY, SEPT. 16, 2:49 a.m. — Police stopped a car on the Nature Preserve road for an improperly displayed license plate. They found that the driver, a 25-year-old male, was intoxicated. He was charged with driving while under the influence (first offense) and for operating a motor vehicle with a blood-alcohol content greater than .08.

False identity alarm!

SATURDAY, SEPT. 16, 3:22 a.m. — Hillside’s community director reported to police that someone had pulled the fire alarm near her door (the community director lives in Hillside along with students). She reported that when she found the alleged false-alarmer — a 19-year-old male resident of Newing’s Delaware Hall — he was hanging off of the alarm box, semiconscious. When officers arrived, the report alleges, he admitted to pulling the alarm and claimed he was 23. The reason for this became apparent when they discovered the student was in possession of his 23-year-old brother’s New York State driver’s license in addition to his own identification. University police forwarded the license with the earlier birth date to the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles Driver Improvement Bureau, where the license could be suspended or revoked. The 19-year-old was referred to the campus judicial system. “We don’t know why was up in Hillside,” Rossie said.

Marijuana, she wrote

SATURDAY, SEPT. 16, 7:15 p.m. — Police responded to a call from a female resident of Mountainview College’s Marcy Hall. She reported smelling the odor of marijuana coming from one of the rooms of the second floor. When police arrived, they found an occupant peeking through the door, and asked to be let in. The occupant complied, reports say; inside, officers reported smelling marijuana. While they found neither drugs nor paraphernalia, they did note that a plastic bag had been placed over the common room’s smoke detector in an effort to hinder its detection capabilities. The students in the suite, of whom there were “several,” were referred to the campus judicial system for tampering with a smoke detector.

$17 cubbie rental

SUNDAY, SEPT. 16, 8:15 p.m. — An 18-year-old male student reported that his wallet had been stolen from the open cubbie outside Fitspace where he had left it, along with his jeans, keys and cell phone. He was in the gym for about an hour, and when he returned the wallet was gone. But hours later, Vestal police officers found the wallet discarded in the middle of the Vestal Parkway, Rt. 434. All of its contents were recovered — except for $17 in cash. This student got lucky, Rossie said, but “the moral of the story is that people have got to stop leaving their valuables unattended and unsecured.”

iDiot (v2.0)

SUNDAY, SEPT. 17, 1:41 a.m. — Police received a complaint that a student in Hinman’s Cleveland Hall who had brought an iPod and speakers into the first-floor bathroom for some shower-time entertainment had forgotten the device, and returned 10 minutes later to find it missing. The equipment was valued at $300. Police have no suspects.

At least it wasn’t by the nuts

SUNDAY, SEPT. 17, 2:24 a.m. — Police responded to a call that a cab driver was grabbing and holding a passenger against the side of his vehicle. The cabbie had evidently not been paid; but soon after officers arrived, another male arrived and gave the cabbie $2. The debt expunged, the passenger, a male BU student, claimed the cabbie assaulted him by grabbing him by the throat, and wanted him arrested. But it was to no avail. “It was explained to him that failing to pay a fare allows a cabbie to forcibly keep you until the police come,” Rossie said. Officers left and no charges were filed.

Is that a bong in your hoodie, or are you just happy to see us?

SUNDAY, SEPT. 17, 3:14 a.m. — Police received a call indicating that individuals had climbed onto the roof of Roosevelt Hall in Hinman College. Police responded and instead found four males standing in the vicinity of the nearby Nelson Rockefeller Building. As officers approached the males, they noted one student attempting to hide something under his black hooded sweatshirt. They asked what he had hidden, and he pulled out a foot-long glass bong. “Obviously, he didn’t have it hidden that well,” Rossie said. A substance in the bong was later confirmed to be marijuana. The student, 18, was charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, a violation.

Information inebriation station

MONDAY, SEPT. 18, 2:59 a.m. — An employee at the Information Booth alerted police to a possibly intoxicated female driver trying to enter campus. When police arrived she was still there, and officers who spoke to her determined she was intoxicated. The 21-year-old was charged with driving while under the influence (first offense) and operating a motor vehicle with a blood-alcohol content greater than .08. She is scheduled to appear in Vestal Town Court on Oct. 13 at 5:30 p.m.