In my Symbolism of Popular Culture class this week, I questioned why I love celebrity gossip as much as I do. Maybe it’s because I am so envious of the life of the celebrity that I want to be “one” with them. Whatever the reason is, I can’t seem to get enough. So here’s the best of the dirt from this week’s gossip pages, for your pleasure and mine.

*BREAKING NEWS*

“The Break Up”— for real.

Poor Jennifer Aniston. First she was publicly cheated on by Brad Pitt. Now, after thinking she found love with Vince Vaughn, “rumor has it,” the couple has split. Since they never publicly claimed to be together in the first place, does this still count as a break up?

Top Five

Skinny Nicole Richie says fat chance.

Nicole Richie reiterated that there will not be a reunion between her former bosom buddy and “Simple Life” costar, Paris Hilton — at least not until hell freezes over, or until Hilton wins a Grammy. Oh wait, I’m being redundant.

So Long!-oria.

“Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria and San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker are rumored to have split after Longoria found Parker dancing with a former ex. Maybe Parker thought she was cheating on him with their gardener.

“The Last Kiss” for Rachel and Adam?

“The O.C.”’s Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody, a couple on and off the show, have also been experiencing some romantic issues since Bilson got friendly with her “The Last Kiss” co-star Zach Braff. Now it’s just a guessing game as to what will end first — their relationship or their show.

Bringin’ sexy — not trashy — back.

Justin Timberlake continues to claim that he has no plans of marrying girlfriend of three years Cameron Diaz. Timberlake is probably afraid he’ll turn into white trash, like his former girlfriend Britney Spears did when she wed.

Wrong American Idol?

Carrie Underwood recently joined other musicians as part of a literacy program in Oklahoma called “Read Y’all.” But shouldn’t the American Idol who can’t read, a.k.a. Fantasia Barrino, be the “Idol” star to promote literacy?

What’s In

Freaks & Geeks

Ain’t that pretty.

ABC’s “Ugly Betty,” the TV version of “The Devil Wears Prada,” has been deemed the most-watched new series on TV this fall (Thursday, 8 p.m.), while NBC’s “Heroes,” the TV version of “Fantastic Four” (Monday, 9 p.m.), is a close second. I guess America is sick of seeing the same pretty faces, or they’re too lazy to go out and see the movie versions.

What’s Out

People MIA

Let the puns begin.

It looks like the fate of these fall series was sealed before they even aired. In fact, their names alone are somewhat foreboding. Fox’s “Vanished” (Monday, 9 p.m.) and NBC’s “Kidnapped” (Wednesday, 10 p.m.) may be the first to disappear off of television.

Say What?

“What about my brain? What about my heart? What about my kidneys and my gallbladder?”

– Scarlett Johansson in response to being named Esquire magazine’s Sexiest Woman Alive.

Does she really think it’s her brains and heart (and I guess kidneys and gallbladder, too) that get her the big-time movie roles? This is showbiz, honey. You should know that those things don’t matter. Just be thankful you’re pretty and move on.

Dig the Dirt? Watch “The BS Show” live every Sunday at 8:30 p.m. for more celebrity gossip!