The 2006-07 NBA season hasn’t even started yet, and we’re already talking about playoffs?! Don’t talk about playoffs! Are you kidding me? Playoffs?! Well, according to Allen Iverson, it’s a lot better than discussing practice. Practice? We’re not even talking about the game, the actual game, when it matters. We’re talking about practice. No, A.I., we’re talking about playoffs (sorry Jim), and more precisely, what place our British correspondent Sean Lishansky thinks each team will finish in — 82 games from now:
Eastern Conference
Detroit Pistons: “Offensive foul committed by No. 3 Ben Wallace … Deeee-troit Basketttt-ball!” Now that Big Ben has jumped ship, the only Eastern Conference team to bring a playoff-like intensity to every game has even more motivation to never take a night off.
Miami Heat: Isn’t it ironic that the oldest team in the league represents a city in Florida? Pat Riley’s squad isn’t eating out of a feeding tube just yet, and with the core eight still intact, the defending champs have a legitimate shot at another title run.
Orlando Magic: With Brian Hill at the helm, we may see a glimpse of Shaq and Penny, Part II. Superstar Dwight Howard and starting point guard Jameer Nelson will flourish in their third season together, but will Darko be the next Horace Grant?
New Jersey: Isn’t it nice to watch Vince Carter “trying” again? The big three of Vinsanity, Jason Kidd and Richard Jefferson will lead the soon-to-be Brooklyn Nets to another division championship … and a No. 4 seed under the new playoff format.
Indiana Pacers: Stephen Jackson should apply for a police officer exam so he could legally wear a firearm during shoot-around. Despite plenty of off-the-court drama, Rick Carlisle always gets the most out of his team, even without a healthy Jermaine O’Neal.
Cleveland Cavaliers: Some nights they look like title contenders, other nights they look lethargic, as if Danny Ferry is still running the show. The Cavs might not top 50 wins again this season, but with King James leading the way, they’ll still be very dangerous come May.
Chicago Bulls: Hopefully the signing of Ben Wallace works out better than the Eddy Curry/Tyson Chandler experiment. The most improved team in the East has a new big man in town, but can Wallace’s defensive mentality change Chicago’s identity?
New York Knicks: When New York fans start chanting Scott Layden’s name, you know there’s a problem. Head coach/general manager Isiah Thomas has plenty of talent on his overpaid roster, but it’s time for him to make it all work — or trade for Luc Longley.
Washington Wizards: Gilbert Arenas could be the first player in NBA history to make the disabled list due to tired arms. While there’s no such thing as poor shot selection in Washington, it will be the Wizards’ defensive woes that cost them a third-straight playoff berth.
Toronto Raptors: With so many international players, Toronto should change their logo to a Risk board. The Raptors have a nice one-two punch in Chris Bosh and T.J. Ford and a bunch of big bodies to throw around down low, but they are still too young to win the dreadful Atlantic Division.
Philadelphia 76ers: Allen Iverson has cost Philadelphia the first overall lottery pick for the last … well … since the 76ers drafted him first overall in 1996. A.I. is still worth the price of admission, but maybe Philly would be better off without another MVP-like season from The Answer.
Milwaukee Bucks: So the Bucks traded away Jamaal Magloire, Joe Smith and Hakeem Olajuwon to clear the way for Andrew Bogut, and now everyone’s favorite Australian is sidelined for up to two months with a leg sprain. Maybe this is the year Dan Gadzuric finally steps up.
Boston Celtics: Paul Pierce must feel like he’s working at a preschool. With seven rookies, nine players under the age of 15 and a pair of toddlers, it looks like Boston is a few steps closer to opening up a daycare center than reaching the postseason.
Charlotte Bobcats + Atlanta Hawks: In fairness to Charlotte and Atlanta, David Stern should combine these two teams into the Bobhawks. But even if Emeka Okafor is healthy, Marvin Williams lives up to his potential, Josh Smith wins the slam dunk contest and Adam Morrison grows a goatee, our new franchise is still finishing in the cellar.
Western Conference
San Antonio Spurs: San Antonio has compiled a 501-205 (.709) record over the last nine years, Tim Duncan is actually healthy and Gregg Popovich is implementing a new small-ball philosophy. Will the franchise of the decade top 72 wins this season?
Dallas Mavericks: With a 2-0 lead in last year’s NBA finals, Dirk Nowitzki was a mere three flops away from winning his first ring. If Jose Juan Barea can make it through training camp, Dallas has the weapons to once again challenge San Antonio for home-court advantage.
Phoenix Suns: Even Michael Jordan didn’t win three straight MVP awards. Reigning two-time winner Steve Nash returns with a virtually unchanged roster, except for the additions of a healthy Amare Stoudemire and Kurt Thomas. Now that’s scary.
Denver Nuggets: Vegas has 10-1 odds that George Karl and Kenyon Martin hug by the end of the season. While that remains to be seen, the addition of J.R. Smith and a new up-tempo offense should be enough for Denver to recapture the Northwest crown.
Houston Rockets: Jeff Van Gundy promising to sport a toupee if Houston proves his first losing season in 10 years was an aberration. The Rockets quietly improved this offseason, adding Shane Battier and Bonzi Wells, but they still need Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady to remain healthy.
L.A. Clippers: Lamond Murray is back in L.A., but this time around he’s not the face of the franchise. With former Duke teammates Elton Brand and Corey Maggette leading the way, the NBA’s version of Cinderella will show the world that last year’s Final Four was no fluke.
New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets: Take some notes, Steve Patterson, this was an 18-win ball club just two years ago. Newcomers Peja Stojakovic, Tyson Chandler and Bobby Jackson join a solid nucleus of young players, including electrifying playmaker Chris Paul.
Memphis Grizzlies: Maybe if the NBA expands the first round into a best-of-11 series, Memphis will win a playoff game. With Pau Gasol sidelined until January, future Hall of Famer Mike Fratello is going to have to pull out all the stops just to get his team back to the postseason.
L.A. Lakers: Kobe Bryant said the Lakers’ evolution will depend on whether he gets his teammates involved this season. Maybe he should have come to that conclusion when Shaq was still in the paint and Chris Mihm wasn’t the featured post player.
Sacramento Kings: This is all Robert Horry’s fault. The Kings had all the ingredients to win the 2002 championship before Horry’s game-winning shot in game four of the West Finals evened the series at two, causing a domino effect of changes and setbacks in Sacramento.
Minnesota Timberwolves: How old do you have to be before people stop calling you a kid? Kevin Garnett is 30 now, and the past two seasons have taught us that The Kid just can’t do it on his own anymore. Ricky Davis is a solid role player, not a second option.
Utah Jazz: Two players have more than five years experience (Derek Fisher and Matt Harpring), two players will put up All-Star-caliber numbers (Andrei Kirilenko and Carlos Boozer) and two players are still sorely missed (The Mailman and John Stockton).
Golden State Warriors: Slow down, folks, Don Nelson isn’t a magician. The Warriors can run and gun all they want, but that doesn’t change the fact that this team is led by a selfish point guard and a half-dozen unproven neophytes.
Seattle Supersonics: Maybe it’s time for Seattle to start trading away its early draft picks. The easiest November schedule in the league might help the Sonics get off to a fast start, but they don’t possess the skill or the size to compete in the West.
Portland Trail Blazers: Attention, Greg Oden: You might want to stay in college one more year. Portland is almost guaranteed to finish with the league’s worst record, thus earning the greatest chance at landing the seven-foot prospect — even if Brandon Roy wins the ROY.