Tiger Woods, why are you apologizing to me?

This past Friday, the famous golfer held a press conference to publicly apologize for his multiple infidelities “simply and directly,” to quote the man himself. But, as one of the many who witnessed his televised apology, I was struck chiefly by how little business of mine it is what Tiger Woods does in his personal life.

It’s not that I don’t understand why he felt compelled to hold the press conference; in a respectable move, he used the opportunity to defend his wife against certain rumors circulating about her. And it was the only way to redeem himself in the eyes of all the people out there who think any of this is their business. Considering the endorsement deals that Tiger risks losing, the decision to hold the press conference must have been a no-brainer. It’s all very self-serving, but at least he had the decency to appear more genuinely penitent than Michael Vick.

So my problem is not with Tiger, but rather with the society that feels entitled to hear him apologize. As with Michael Phelps before him, the notion that Tiger, as a professional athlete, is a role model has been touted. He even made a point of acknowledging this in his apology. So if we accept the questionable hypothesis that children model themselves after professional athletes, can we then ask: Where are the apologies from those who revealed Tiger’s indiscretions, tarnishing this supposed role model’s reputation?

No one expects journalists, or “journalists,” to apologize for doing their job. Yet their job entails producing the same negative effect on impressionable children that a role model’s misbehavior supposedly does. Tiger wasn’t shouting about his infidelities at public parks and elementary schools. It’s the adults of this country who keep the tabloid magazines in business, and turn the private lives of celebrities into news. How many kids do you think even followed the scandal or watched the press conference?

It is laughable the way in which we stalk the lives of celebrities. Imagine a magazine with wonderfully named Loretta Bettelheim of Johnson City on the cover, with some out-of-date photograph of her grimacing. Loretta, 37, is a divorced mother of two, a bank teller, and it’s rumored that she has split up with her man, Leroy Fuller, 40 (“Lorettoy Split! Loretta leaves in tears!”). Front page news, right? Well, if it were Brangelina …

This cult of celebrity has led to us handing people millions of dollars for playing sports and make-believe. It makes us feel entitled to pry into the private lives of strangers and, apparently, leaves our children’s futures in their irresponsible hands.

And most of all, it makes us all look really dumb.