We here at Pipe Dream have finals and papers like everyone else… which translates to, “We procrastinated and don’t have the time to write anything substantive.” In keeping with that theme, put off our other work and brainstormed a list of the things we do to out off the workd we have due. Tear this page out, put it on the fridge, and see how many of the items you can check off before you finally get down to that paper.

Instead

Check air in tires

Check everyone’s away messages

Check finals schedule a hundred times

Clean out your smailbox

Clean up your computer desktop

Clean your desk

Count your Adderall

Count snowflakes

Count the number of parking spots you can see out your window

Create new Facebook groups

Dig out your car

Do laundry

Donate money to an African prince who’s been robbed

Download porn

Dust off that gym membership you haven’t used all semester

Facebook anyone whose name you’ve ever heard

Fantasize about next semester, which will miraculously have no finals or papers

Find the g-spot – like that exists!

Forward spam

Go out and drink

Go to Undergrounds Cafe for free cookies and soda

Go tray-sledding

Google image all your friends

Hang out in newspaper office

Have a fight with your roommate

Have sex with other(s)

Have sex with self

Holiday shopping

Instant Messenge everyone on your buddy list, even that kid you haven’t seen since 11th grade

Knit

Lather, rinse, repeat

Leave your PCP in Dickinson

Look on WebMD and look up symptoms of ADHD, but get distracted by the popups

Look up the lyrics of our favorite songs

Maintain pubic region

Make cookies/other delicious baked goods

Make lists of stuff to do

Myspace

Paint

Palpate for testicular and/or breast cancer

People watch

Play cards

Play video games

Post photos on one of myriad free photo hosting sites

Read (bonus points for bathroom reading):

Pipe Dream

Binghamton Review

The Spark

InsideBU

The Press & Sun-Bulletin

Read spam

Read the books you should have read earlier, but for other classes

Read your DARS

Repeat

Reply to spam

See a musical and get the song stuck in your head

Self-grooming

Smoke weed every day!

Snow angels

Stay in and drink

Think of how much time you have before it’s due

Wait to be seen at health services

Watch BTV (or, off campus, Fox40)

Watch porn

Watch reruns

Watch sports

Wipe properly

Work at Pipe Dream

Write Pipe Dream editorial instead of doing final paper