When people say they want a break in a relationship, are they too scared to say they want to break up? The term “break” is a scapegoat for those who can’t admit they aren’t emotionally mature enough for the relationship they are in. The truth is that breaking up is hard — people might be too scared to lose someone they have built a level of trust with and are comfortable with or are not ready to rejoin the dating pool and find someone new.
The way I see it, when two people decide to take a break, they are separating, making no contact and possibly leaving room to get back together in the future because they have an issue they think is unresolvable. They take a break, hoping that time apart will magically fix their problem, but what will change in a month if they can’t work things out now? Sure, you may grow as a person, but you are experiencing this growth away from your partner, not learning how to develop together as a couple. Self-growth is important, but people never stop growing as individuals and there comes a time when one must learn how to experience self-growth alongside others without growing codependent. The whole point of being in a relationship is learning how to tackle every aspect of life together — it’s clear people take breaks because it’s easier than staying together and working things out properly.
Breaks also leave room for haunting questions, such as “can we get with other people?” Being romantic with another person will only push you away from each other. If you’re on a break, you have the freedom to explore other options, which can be detrimental to relationships. Also, the uncertainty of if you can or can’t reach out to the other person can be unhealthy. You should be able to talk to your partner about anything, and having to hold back because you “agreed to no contact” will only help develop bad communication habits.
Taking space within a relationship is significantly healthier because you aren’t severing your relationship. You’re still spending time with your partner, giving each other room to grow while staying together and showing you both care enough about the relationship to not just call it quits. You are working through the problem together and truly testing your strength as a couple. If it doesn’t work out, at least both sides tried their best, and it just wasn’t meant to be.
The real question is, why is this type of dating common now? Differentiating between a break and taking space was never something people used to do, so why now? As a society, how people handle emotions has evolved, making dating more complicated. Romance, dating and sexuality have become much more open, leaving room for a lot of freedom. People have taken advantage of this freedom and have built a world where communication and commitment are almost nonexistent in modern dating.
Fewer and fewer people take their significant others on dates or even just ask them out. Teenagers fall in love over snaps rather than building a sustainable connection through shared experiences. Society is stuck in a constant loop of situationships, and two people who say “I love you” and are “exclusive,” for whatever reason, cannot say they are together. The list of warped behaviors that are now normalized in dating culture is unceasing, but at the end of the day, people need to learn how to be honest with themselves and their partners.
If you want to explore your romantic life and not settle down, that is perfectly okay. However, you have to be honest with yourself, and that is where the main issue comes in. Previous expectations of marriage have created a twisted idea that relationships are like traps and that a person cannot focus on self-growth while in one. The vast majority of these people are not honestly confronting how they feel or what they’re ready for and are constantly taking the easy approach to all aspects of dating. If people start being honest with themselves, they’ll know what they want and can handle, and when other people are involved, communicate the level of commitment they are ready for. This will get rid of the giant gray area many people find themselves in romantically.
Don’t bend the rules of dating to your personal will and wait instead until you’ve found someone you can communicate with and are ready to commit to. When you reach that point, whatever emotional roller coaster or identity crisis you or your partner may go through, if it’s meant to be, you can and will find the strength to work through it. If you and your partner reach a crossroads but truly want to be together, give each other the proper amount of space, and you can work it out. Seeing other people, not communicating and being away from each other will not solve your problem. If you choose to take a break, you might as well just break up.
Suhiliah Lall is a sophomore majoring in cinema.
Views expressed in the opinions pages represent the opinions of the columnists. The only piece that represents the view of the Pipe Dream Editorial Board is the staff editorial.