We don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say that Pipe Dream usually takes students’ side when they have issues with Residential Life and the administration in general. And if we thought anyone out there in our Binghamton University community was wronged, we’d be there backing them up in a second.

Unfortunately, we’ve found one instance where students had it coming: the office of Residential Life is fining all the residents of Newing College’s Broome Hall to cover the costs of cleanup after someone defecated in a drier, among 28 other other offensively damaging acts (see Page 5).

While discussing this episode of public pooing, our first instinct was of course to tell students to stop shitting in laundry devices ‘ or, for that matter, anywhere else that isn’t a toilet. But to be completely honest, we’re just plain tired of climbing onto a soap box and telling anyone who will listen just how poor a decision it is to defecate in inappropriate places (or jump off bridges, or ignore alcohol-related laws ‘ you get the idea).

So, instead, we thought we’d just provide you with some solid information, and let you all decide for yourselves whether or not it’s funny to crap in public places.

Good things about poo:

‘ Defecation is a biological process that is necessary in humans, and allows waste to be removed from the body.

‘ Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, a character created by the often tasteless yet hilarious Comedy Central animated show ‘South Park,’ is entertaining to some, especially when he sings.

‘ Plastic feces replicas, a novelty store staple, can be used in good-natured pranks on friends, family members or co-workers.

Bad things about poo:

‘ Poo smells. Fecal matter contains both live and dead bacteria, and gets its foul odor as a result of bacterial processes that produce sulfur-rich organic compounds like indole, skatole and mercaptans, not to mention the inorganic gas hydrogen sulfide.

‘ Poo is messy. Feces are typically semi-solid with a mucus coating, and in addition to our little bacterial friends, contain things like bile, red blood cells, proteins, fats, phosphates and sometimes, if you’re lucky, undigested bits of food. Though it is typically a variant of a shade of brown, what’s in it can make it black, green, yellow or reddish.

‘ Poo can make you sick. One of the main ways that diseases and parasites are spread is through fecal matter (most usually the consumption of food contaminated by feces). Diseases that can be spread by feces include toxoplasmosis, typhoid, cholera, amoebic dysentery, food poisoning, E. coli, hepatitis A, enterovirus, polio, pinworms and salmonella.

Now, stop us if we’re preaching to the converted, but none of the items in the ‘good things about poo’ category justify public defecation in inappropriate places. Moreover, all of the items in the ‘bad things about poo’ category are solid reasons NOT to defecate in public places.