“Sexiling,” aka kicking your roommate out in order to get funky, is a necessary evil that comes with sharing a room. It’s no fun to be kicked out of your own living space night after night while your roommate gets it on, but there are certain courtesies you can follow to make your hook-up habits easier on your roommate relationship.
As soon as you know you’ll be bringing someone back to your room, text your roommate and give them time to grab what they need and get out. Letting them know you’ll be occupying the space isn’t just courteous, it also lessens the chance that they will awkwardly walk in on you doing the deed. If your roommate misses the text, come up with a system to let them know you are otherwise occupied. You can use the classic sock on the door, or something more subtle like a sticky note that says “busy.” Along the same lines, text your roommate as soon as your hookup leaves, so they aren’t stuck in a study lounge when they could be back in their own bed.
Having a sexile survival kit can also be a great thing if you find yourself sexiled often. Or, if you plan to have a busy semester in the hook-up department, you could even make one for your roommate as a gesture of goodwill and bribery. Having a water bottle, phone charger, computer charger and snacks will make getting sexiled to a study lounge less boring and more productive. It is also important to have a backup plan in case a short sexile turns into an overnight away from your bed. Whether it is a friend you can call, or a friend of a friend with a futon, having a place to crash is a good idea.
Although it is best to try to schedule your romps during your roommate’s classes or activities, if you have to sexile your roommate during the day, keep it to two hours or less. This may mean you have to limit cuddling time, so be wary of that too. Be aware of your roommate’s schedule, and don’t sexile them if they have an interview, exam or other important event the next day. Let’s be real, that huge calculus test is a lot more important to them than a hook-up should be to you.
This may seem obvious to most people, but if your partner has a single, use it. You’ll be able to be more carefree, and you won’t have to worry about inconveniencing anyone. Still, if it is your hookup’s single and you don’t know them that well, do not be afraid to express that concern to your roommate in defense of your request for the room.
If your roommate is kind enough to let you sexile them, you should be kind enough to not mess with your roommate’s stuff. Although it might seem tempting and exotic to move the party to a new place, steer clear of your roommate’s area, especially their bed. That is a super-personal space and doing the deed there is basically the ultimate sin. Also, be sure to keep the relationship equal: if your roommate lets you sexile them, you should let them sexile you, too.
The ultimate and golden rule of sexiling is that if your roommate isn’t cool with it, don’t ignore him or her. You live with them and will probably see them a lot more than a friendly stranger from JT’s.